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So in an earlier post I eluded to the fact that hubby will be getting a new job. I have been really excited about this turn of events. Yes it is stressful, but exciting to. The idea of finally having health insurance is almost overwhelming.

In all my excitement I overlooked the fact that this will mean that hubby will have to get up and go to work everyday. This may not seem like such a big deal to most of you, but he has worked from home for 10 1/2 years. He will now have to join the masses in commuting to a “real” job.

My 2 youngest have no concept of what most dads do. They don’t understand that not all dads are home all day everyday. My oldest was only 3 when hubby started working from home.

I thought that I would be excited to have the house and my time all to myself, but now that it is upon us I’m not. I feel a great sense of loss. In some ways I feel like I am loosing my best friend. I am so used to having him home to talk to all the time. I feel a loss for myself and for my kids. I think all kids should get to have there dads around all the time. I know this isn’t the norm, but it has been our reality for most of our marriage and almost all of my kids lives.

I still feel this is going to be great, but I can’t help feel a little sad.

OK so I have a confession to make. When I as in high school I was one of those band geeks. I started playing the flute in 5th grade and ended up playing for 7 years.

When I first started I loved it, and I have to admit I was pretty good. I was never the best, but I was always in the top 3 in my class. My mom sprung for private lessons, and I improved even more.

I started competing at music festivals and loved it. I loved hearing the judges tell me what I did well and what I could work on. For a child who was lacking in coordination finally I found something that I was good at, I mean really good at and it felt great.

When high school rolled around I suddenly became painfully aware of how uncool band was and my desire to continue playing came to a screeching halt. My social life soared and my grades dropped. I needed to keep my grades up to not only keep my parents off my back but to keep my GPA within a reasonable range. So back to band I went.

Band was easy if you showed up you got an A, and I really needed that A. Then came out of town trips, and I was convinced that band was the coolest thing ever (as long as my friends didn’t find out I was in band).

Our first trip was to Canada, and never being out of Washington that I could remember I was excited. Not only was this going to be a trip out of town, no parents, but we also had a curfew of 4 am can you believe it. Who thought that giving a bunch of 16 year olds the chance to run around a town they didn’t know anything about until 4 in the morning was a good idea?

We slept at a local high school camped out (co-ed) on the gym floor. We watched movies, ordered pizza, and went shopping at the local mall. Shopping in Canada rocks! No taxes, and everything was so much cheaper.

So what would you do with no parents, out of town, with friends and a 4 am curfew? I know what I would do, invite my boyfriend to drive up and stay with us. Of course being the loving boyfriend that he was he agreed. He made the 3 hour drive and picked me and some friends up. Great boyfriend huh? Yeah I thought so to that’s why I married him.

* I wrote this almost 2 weeks ago, but held onto in because I wasn’t ready to share with the world.

A bad day would be an understatement! Today my dad went in for open heart surgery. He is actually under the knife as I type this. This came as a surprise. Yes he does have a family history of heart problems but he is only in his 50’s. The surgeon will be replacing 5 out of his 6 arteries.

Just for fun to make this day even worse my husband lost a major contract. He works with a family business and it was his brother who told him “his services were no longer required”. He gave us no notice, and I don’t even know if we are getting a paycheck tomorrow (even though he did work those 2 weeks). Oh and by the way he did it through email, can you believe that?

Then to top it all off I have to go and put a smile on my face and teach Enrichment Night tonight.

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Mmmmkay well, I’m back, an no I didn’t fall off the face of the earth (although that did sound like a good option). Life just got busy, so I checked out for a while.

I had fun catching up on everyone else’s blogs and reading a few books that I have been trying to get to and I’m now ready to join the rest of the world again.

I woke up this morning to beautiful blue skies (still to chilly for my liking) and I’m hopeful that this will be a new trend. Winter is killing me!

Hubby and I still need to get over to the old house and finish cleaning it out to get it ready to rent. This requires a run to the dump, but seriously it is FREEZING outside. The last thing I want to do is haul junk out to a trailer in the wind and snow. So my choice is procrastination, and so far it is working for me.

Tomorrow is suppose to be even better weather, so I’m running out of excuses.

A few weeks ago while packing boxes hubby leaned over and said “how about leaving all this and running off the Vegas for the weekend.” , and that’s what we did. We went and stayed at MGM, ate yummy food, did a lot of shopping, and went to see “O”. We left the kids home with my sister, and it was so worth it.

It was fun, and much needed. I came home feeling ready to get back to work on the house, but then the weather started to really suck so that didn’t happen.

So tell me what do you do to get through a never ending winter?

I have been MIA for a while due to a horrible move (more on that later). I have been without Internet for a week, and to stressed to share whats been going on.

Thank you to Dev for tagging me and giving me something to blog about.

HOW OLD IS ASH: 32! (nine months older to the day)
WHO EATS MORE: Ash (I’m dieting)
WHO SAID “I LOVE YOU’ FIRST: hmmm. that was so long ago… I don’t remember.
WHO IS TALLER: Ash is at least a whole head taller.
WHO SINGS BETTER: Ash hands down, No question. I think I’m probably tone deaf.
WHO IS SMARTER: Ash, but I’m pretty street smart.
WHO DOES THE LAUNDRY: ME
WHO DOES THE DISHES: Me
WHO SLEEPS ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE BED: Ash, I sleep on the side closer to the kids.
WHO PAYS THE BILLS: Ash does, but I used to. We seem to take turns every few years.
WHO MOWS THE LAWN: The lawn people, but Ash did before we lived in a neighborhood that did it for you.
WHO COOKS DINNER: that would be me.
WHO IS MORE STUBBORN: I would say Ash, but I’m sure he would say me.
WHO KISSED WHO FIRST: He would say that I did on the first date.
WHO ASKED WHO OUT FIRST: We met on a blind date, but then he asked me out the next week (and the rest is history).
WHO PROPOSED: Once again, he would say I did, but that is not how I remember it.
WHO IS MORE SENSITIVE: I’m not sure, I guess it depends on what topic.
WHO HAS MORE FRIENDS: we really have the same friends…
WHO HAS MORE SIBLIINGS: Ash is one of five.
WHO WEARS THE PANTS: I do all though I like to let him think he does ;0)
WHO ARE YOU TAGGING: I don’t want anyone to feel left out, so whoever wants to play.

Check out my post at Fight the Fluffy and find out what is your Happy Weight.

Being the rockstar that he is my hubby got up from his death bed last night, and helped me make changes to my blog. We stayed up until 1 o’clock this morning updating, and choosing a new look.

 Now I just need a new photo for the top. I’m holding out for the next time Lucky Red Hen is in town, so I can have her take family pictures. In total honesty, I’m also waiting to loose the last few lbs. so I will look fabulous in the photos. Although it really doesn’t matter because Lucky makes everyone look fabulous.

Along with the new blog look, I’m going for a new look for me to. I’m going in tomorrow to get my hair chopped off, any suggestions? No suggesting that I don’t do it kay.

While I’m up to making changes I think I’ll try some New Years resolutions. Since I love Compulsive Writers more or less list I’ll give that a try. This year I definitely need more of some things, and a lot less of others.

• More time with my kids
• Less work
• Save more
• Spend less
• Be grateful more
• Worry less
• Loose more
• Eat less junk

But most of all simplify, simplify, SIMPLIFY. Last year got out of control and I’m working on simplifying, and de-cluttering. I feel major changes coming our way, and I’m hoping for smooth transitions.

So I asked for suggestions on what I could write about, and I got a couple of great ideas. Lucky says that I should write about my childhood, but I don’t have interesting stories like getting run over by a taxi while laying in the middle of the road on a speed bump like she does. Really you should ask her about it sometime.

Compulsive writer suggested that I write a year in review, and since it is New Years Eve I thought that wasn’t a bad idea. The problem with that idea is that we had a really REALLY horrible year that I have so generously spared you the details of.

I think a year in review is the perfect way to say goodbye to a horrible year. If you choose to click away now I would totally understand. If your still with me here we go.

January started out as a total whirlwind. January is our busy season (we do wedding trade shows) and we worked even more than usual. My hubby travels about half the month, but this year he was gone the whole month except for a few days when he was home in passing. So I spent the month playing single mother, while putting out fires at work. Ash spent the month in airports, and hotels.

January spilled into February, and although life was suppose to slow down we found ourselves working 7 days a week through all of February. Ash was asked to speak at conferences so he ended up out of town about half of February.

March came, and we were ready for life to get back to normal for a while, but it didn’t happen. While going to the doctor for a physical so she could put in her mission papers, my mother in law found out she had breast cancer. When they went in to do the surgery they found that it had spread through her lymph nodes and was worse than they thought.

By April we decided that we were in desperate need of a family vacation. There was a huge divide between us and the kids because we had been in survival mode for so long. We set off for southern California to hang out in the sun, swim in the pool, and be with Ash’s mom while she recovered from surgery and began chemotherapy. The day after we got there I received a phone call that my dad had passed away.

My dad left before I was 2 years old, and only made brief appearances in my life for the next 18 years (that is probably a post for another day). I never realized how much pain and grief I could feel for the loss of a man a barely new. I grieve the loss of opportunity to spend what little time I had with him. I find myself angry at those who kept my dad from being part of my life (his second wife). I once read another bloggers post about her dad, and she said she felt like she had “a dad shaped hole in her heart”, and that’s how I felt.

The next few months are a blur, as I put my head down and avoided life. I trudged through every day until the dark skies finally parted.

In June Ash got me a new puppy, that I love.

In July my mother and father-in-law moved to Utah, and I threw myself into taking care of her to distract myself from my own pain and problems. I cooked, cleaned, and ran errands for her while taking her to many appointments for her cancer treatment. We also had 3 teenage nephews come and stay with us. Two of them came for 10 days and the third stayed for 6 more weeks until mid August. We had a great time, and it was a wonderful distraction, but was also very tiring.

August was spent entertaining the nephews, and showing them all over Utah. I went to Cub Scout day camp with my Wolf den. During lunch I got a phone call that my mother-in-law had a seizure and was on her way to the hospital by ambulance. She ended up ok she had a few stitches and a huge black eye but over all she was fine. They did take her license away for six month so we started having to drive her everywhere.

At the end of August we decided to try another family vacation since our last attempt was a total disaster so we left for Hawaii. Ash and I have promised the kids a trip to Hawaii for years (Ash is from Hawaii). We can’t mange a family vacation without a major disaster, and this one was no different. We had a earthquake, and a hurricane during our trip.

Is anyone still with me?

Well next comes September, and September is our second really busy season so Ash was gone the whole month, and half of October to. By September I realize that we need to make some major changes and I started doing some serious soul searching.

October brought still more craziness, but attending the temple while Ash was out of town, and a lot of scripture reading brought a little peace to my life.

I got a phone call in mid October from Ash’s brother in Iraq asking me if I knew what had happened to his friend Ben. I will spare you the details, because I wrote about it here and here, but after a little detective work I found out that Ben had been in an accident, and was now a quadriplegic, and I spent the next few weeks at the ICU helping out as much as I could.

November was spent at the hospital doing what I could.

Mid November the bishop called me in to let me know that he was going to release me from my calling because he thought I needed a break.

In December family relationships came to a full boil (because of the family business) and we decided that it is time to leave the family business and do something else. I know this is the right thing to do, but it makes our future a little unsure. I have faith that the Lord will take care of us, but I don’t know what the next few months will hold for us.

If this whole post isn’t pathetic enough I’m spending New Years Eve taking care of my hubby, who is horribly sick.

I’m sure by now I have lost you all with my whining, but on the off chance that anyone is still reading this I need to throw in a few good things that happened this year.

1. Sadie went to the temple to do baptisms for the first time.
2. I discovered weight watchers, and have lost 22lbs
3. Ash met one of his idols Seth Godin (who shaved his head)
4. We went to Hawaii
5. My mother in-law finished chemo and radiation and appears to be doing well
6. My mother and father in-law got a mission call to London and will be leaving in February.
7. My children are healthy
8. We had a very generous friend donate a $200 gift certificate for Christmas to Ben and his family.
9. We raised about $2,000 at a benefit dinner for Ben.

Here is hoping for a better new year.

Happy New Year everyone!

We have been clocking a LOT of work hours for a pretty long time now, and need to find a better balance to life. We have decided the last few weeks to take at least half of our Saturdays off, and do something fun with the kids. This past Saturday we took the kids and headed up to Salt Lake to see the children’s museum at the Gateway mall, and check out the Robots exhibit. (My oldest was thrilled ;0)

I haven’t ever been to the children’s museum in Salt Lake, but we really enjoy the one in Palm Springs, and the one in Seattle as well, so it sounded fun. It wasn’t bad, but the Robots exhibit was a little disappointing. There wasn’t much to do except line up dominoes, which my kids could do at home. The rest was just a lot of looking at displays, and watching short videos about how robotics works or how they made the movie Robots.

The rest of the museum was fun. We enjoyed the TV studio, and sending messages back and forth through a tube and a laundry line. Cole loved playing in the water down stairs, and shooting balls through a tube in the garden area.

Dallin took the news cast very serious, but Cole not so much. He was to into seeing himself on TV.

After the museum I talked Ash into going to the Festival or Trees in Sandy. We had a great time looking at all the beautiful trees, but I forgot to take pictures. Maybe next time.

Wow I just had the scariest experience EVER. I don’t even know If I can write about it in complete sentences, because I’m still shaken up. Yesterday I went to pick Ash up from the airport (very common occurrence lately) and when I got there 20 minutes late he wasn’t out front waiting. I called his cell phone and it went strait to voice mail which either means it’s off or he is on it (I thought probably on it).

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I left the kids in the car on the curb (with Sadie to babysit, and the doors locked, with the cell phone) and decided he was probably waiting inside where it is warm. When I got inside and looked around his flights baggage carousel he wasn’t there so I went and talked to the airlines baggage counter. The incompetent nice airline employee asked if she could help me.

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ME: Yes, my husbands flight just got in and he wasn’t on it could you look into it for me.

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Employee: Yes mam that flight has already arrived.

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ME: Um yes, but he wasn’t on it could you please check if he ever checked in for the flight.

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Employee: Oh, ok. Sure.

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Employee: (after rapid typing) No we don’t show he ever checked in, sorry.

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ME: (thinking: what do you mean sorry, find out more) OK what about his flight from Honolulu to Phoenix did he ever get on that plane.

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Employee: We don’t show that that plane ever took off.

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ME: (a little louder now) What do you mean it never took off? If it didn’t take off he would have called me.

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Employee: I’m sorry that’s all the information I have.

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Seriously people do you think that is an acceptable answer? I mean my husband is missing, and all I get is a “I’m sorry I can’t help you.”

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So from there she tells me that even though we bought the flight through them, they contract another airline to fly to and from Honolulu, and that I will have to call and talk to them (she doesn’t even offer to call for me, or give me the number.). I go back out to the car where my kids are asking where is daddy and all I can say is I don’t know. I call 411 and get the other airlines number but can’t get a human on the phone so I’m stuck talking to a computer and after 20min all I find out that my husbands direct flight from Honolulu to Phoenix left Honolulu at 2:30 am (3 hours late) and arrived in Kana Pali. Kana Pali what the hell is that?

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By now It’s been about 45min and still no answers. I decided to drive around and park and go into the airport to the other airlines counter dragging all 3 kids who by now are panicking to, and not leave until I get an answer. When I get into the airport not only do they not have a counter for that airline, but nobody has even heard of that airline (not reassuring).

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By now I’m not only hyperventilating, but I’m pissed. I march up to the original airlines counter and explained (to a lady who wasn’t doing anything at the time) the situation and the witch nice lady tells me that if I want to get in the back of the line she would be happy to help me as soon as it was my turn. Seriously people! By now I’m starting to worry that they are going to have to arrest me for making a scene in the airport. I (in a very loud tone) told her that no I would not get to the back of the line, that I had been in the airport now for over an hour and a half, and she damn well better start giving me some answers. (Oh and by the way I had talked to Ash’s dad on the phone and he explained that Kana Pali was in Maui, and that the only reason for stopping there would be an emergency landing, not helpful.)

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Right about then I got a text message from Ash that he had just landed in Phoenix, and that he would call me in a minute to explain. I burst into tears, and was shaking. I can’t even tell you how scary this was. It turned out that yes they landed in Maui, because they lost a communications antenna, and a 10 min fix turned into 3 hours (after the 3 hours that they spent waiting to take off from Honolulu.). When I asked why he didn’t call, he said he didn’t want to wake me. I explained that waking me would have been better than what I went through, and that from now on he isn’t aloud to fly.

When I was little my dad took up hunting. He started with a cross bow when I was real young. I have vague memories of it sitting behind my parents head board of their bed. When I was a little older he started hunting with shot guns and taking my brother along.

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One year after Ash and I had been married for a few years my dad invited him on a hunting trip. In our family this was a very big deal. They loaded up the motorhome and headed for eastern Washington for 3 days of fun. It turned out to be a trip from hell.

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Shortly after arriving my brothers friend, who my dad had told to stay close by wandered off and got lost. They searched in the howling wind and snow until around 2 in the morning when they finally located him. He was frightened, but not hurt.

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It continued to snow all night and the snow began to pile up rather deep. The next day they headed out hunting in thigh deep snow. By mid morning my brother (the avid hunter) was whining like a baby along with everyone else, except for Ash. The next two days were much the same everyone was miserable and wanted to go home, the only problem with that was the pass had been closed due to excessive snow and they were stuck. Along with being stuck my dad had injured his back, and there was wrong with the motorhome, and it wasn’t running right.

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After much debate, and a few phone calls home they decided to drive around the pass through Oregon. This made the trip much longer, and they also had to go through the Dalls which can be very windy. They crept along slowly and finally made it home safe.

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My dad told me after that trip he had a new found respect for Ash. He has brought it up often through the years that Ash was the only one that didn’t complain. This was a bonding moment for my hubby and my dad. Although Ash didn’t ever complain about it he didn’t volunteer to go again.

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The funny thing about growing up in a house full of hunters (my mom and sisters even joined in) is I’m completly terrified of guns. This has got to be my all time biggest fear. Even now just thinking about it makes my heart race, my palms sweat, and my hands shake. I’ve never touched a gun and had no intentions of going near one. Ash and I have had many discussions about him wanting to buy a gun, but I absolutly won’t have one in my house.

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While Corey was home from Iraq this past week the whole family decided that for family night, and Veterans day that all the adults would go to the gun range and shoot guns. I didn’t want to be left behind so I decided to conquer my fear and go.

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Well to make a long story a little shorter, I made it. I did it, and I didn’t even pass out or throw up. I will admit that I was in tears just trying to hold the gun, but I did it and I have pictures to prove it.

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Corey and I. (I finally stopped crying) If you look real close I hit in the center of the orange, not bad.

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Ash, Corey, and John loading up.

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Gail getting lessons from Corey.

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Ash with a M-4

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Look at me I got brave and shot the M-4.

Halloween is in full swing at our house, and I’m feeling baa-humbug about the whole thing. It’s not that I don’t love Halloween, or any other holiday for that matter, but I hate the busyness of it. Of course since procrastination is my middle name I waited until last night to buy candy, and find a costume.

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Every year my kids ask me what I’m going to be, and I tell them “a grumpy old mommy”. They don’t think that’s very funny, so this year I did go out and get a costume, well sort of. I’ll post pictures later. Since I’m joining in the Halloween crap fun I thought Ash should to, so I made him go out last night and get himself a costume to.

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Halloween just isn’t fair to us Weight Watchers girls. I am totally over my candy addiction except when Halloween rolls around. Wish me luck tonight.

I often tease my hubby when he talks about growing up here in happy valley, and the drug problem at his school. He would tell me about kids stealing prescription pills from their parents, or even one kid who would throw himself down the stairs to get pain meds.

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This was incredibly funny to me because were I grew up (in the ghetto) we had a crack man that set up shop on the sidewalk in front of our school, armed security guards, metal detectors, and weed might as well have been sold in the vending machines. It was really that accessible.

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A few months ago while taking a trip to hell Walmart with my new puppy, I was approached by a girl who was interested in asking questions about Bailey. There was nothing in particular about her that was alarming, but every bell and whistle in my head went off. I knew she wanted to take Bailey. When she got closer I could see signs that I was right and she probably was a meth head. Meth isn’t a drug that I’m really familiar with. It wasn’t as readily available in our area, but I saw how twitchy and jumpy she was and just knew. Then she asked if she could hold her, and the red flags really went off. I told her no, and made an abrupt exit into the store.

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As soon as I got into Walmart the annoying nice greeter told me that Bailey would have to wait in the car. I turned around and marched right back to the car. When I got out front I saw two guys chasing down the same girl for trying to steal a bike from the bike rack out front. She was yelling “I’m sorry I’m sorry” and running off. They chased her away, and returned the bike.

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I knew it, I wasn’t crazy that lady wanted to steal my dog to sell for drugs. (Bailey ain’t cheap, she would have been in meth heaven for awhile) I have always prided myself on being street smart and on that day it paid off. When I got home I told Ash all about it, but he didn’t seem as surprised as I was. I guess there really is a drug problem in happy valley. I need to do more to warn my kids.

Yesterday my little sis was over, (watching our kids while we went to Park City for the night) and we got into a discussion about how geeky I am becoming because I blog and enjoy reading blogs. Does blogging automatically equal geek?

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Her evidence to prove what a geek I am was that within 3 hours of cutting my hair I had posted a pic of the new do. To my defense though Ash was out of town and I posted that picture totally for his benefit. I know excuses excuses.

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On a more exciting topic (at least for us anyway) today is the big move in day for LDS hospital. This means Ben along with about a hundred others will be shipped over to their new rooms via 85 ambulances. I can’t imagine the undertaking in moving that many sick and injured patience. The new place is great, and he will have a gorgeous mountain view along with a huge flat screen TV and pull out sleeper sofa. Yeah! I watched a bit of the move on the news this morning, and all was going well. We can’t wait to visit him in his new place.

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Even more good news, my theory about ignoring my symptoms worked and I’m feeling much better.

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On a more sad and pathetic note, Ash fractured a bone in his foot. How you ask? He has no idea, he just woke up that way. He’s the only person I know who can get hurt doing nothing. He swears I must beat him in his sleep. I say he needs to at least come up with a good story like he hurt himself while skydiving or something. I hope he gets better soon, I hate seeing him hurt so much.

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Here is a few of my favorite posts for the week.

• Johnny Suede Slept Here by Hola Isabel
• Old People Central by Azucar
• Lois Gets Dragged Kicking and Screaming into the 21st Century by Lois

And I think Adria looks adorable in this.

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We have got a lot of phone calls, and emails from people asking where they can donate money if they can’t make it tonight. Ash has set up an account to take donations, just go to www.ashbuckles.com, and click on the donate button.

Thank you to everyone for your support, we really do have the greatest friends!!! Hope to see a bunch of you their tonight.

We are off on a much needed vaca to St George. Hope everyone has a great weekend. I’ll post pics when we get back.