It seems that all the blogosphere talk has shifted towards babies. Everywhere I turn people are talking about having a baby, being pregnant, or considering becoming pregnant. I think it’s great. I love hearing about everyone’s families.
I have a few friends who have recently announced they are expecting and I couldn’t be happier for them. I must admit I’m feeling a little left out. It is a strange feeling being 31 and having your youngest and last baby turn 5. Part of me says I’m to old to have anymore, and part of me can’t believe that I’m done. At this point the idea of starting all over is to overwhelming to think about, but the idea of the next baby in the family being my grandchild is even scarier. My daughter turned 13 this year and it seems like life is flying by way to fast. If she follows our families pattern I could be a grandmother in about 6 more years. How scary is that?
The idea that my youngest will be in kindergarten next year, and I could choose to do something for myself like go back to school is a wonderful thought. I am feeling free to pursue things I’ve always wanted to do, but is this a selfish thing? The idea of him being in kindergarten also scares me. I have wanted to be a mother for as long as I remember. My job has always been to take care of my little ones and now I feel like that is coming to an end. If I’m not just my kids mom anymore then who am I? Dad’s have it easier because they also have there career as part of there identity. I’ve been a wife and mother only, and wonder what else am I?
This may seem like a pity party, but it’s not. I really am enjoying the idea of having options for my future. I just don’t know what I want more, freedom in my day, or more babies to cuddle.
So tell me how did you know if you were done or if there were more babies meant for you?